Chris Hansen You Wanna Try Again?

Season 1 2 iii | Chief

The Boondocks (2005-2014) was an American developed animated sitcom on Adult Swim. The perspective offered past this mixture of cultures, lifestyles, social classes, stereotypes, viewpoints and racial(ized) identities provides for much of the serial' satire, comedy, and conflict.

It's a Black President, Huey Freeman [3.1] [edit]

(Talking to Weggie Rudlin afterwards his failed attempt at committing suicide)

Uncle Ruckus: Oh,what's the point? What'south the betoken in living if in that location'due south nothin' to look forward to? just simply of life total of rap music and fo'ty ounces? What am I supposed to do now, huh? Be somebody baby daddy? Hang out on the corner all twenty-four hour period and dark, shootin' dice, cops chasin' me all the time? My body own't made to handle a stun gun, ain't got but two or 3 shows I could place with.

Weggie Rudlin: Ruckus, you make a very compelling argument, but I know that you're gonna get through this.

Uncle Ruckus: Huh, is this what I'm supposed to be readin' now? This? The Vibe, The Source, JET? Yous telephone call this a mag? Look at this! This is a pamphlet! Field and Screen, National Review, Soldier of Fortune THOSE are magazines! This is a brochure! Ebony, they should telephone call this National Geographic but the photos are better, and Essence?!! Essence of what? Essence of ugliness!

Weggie Rudlin: Ruckus, we have a proverb in B.E.T., we detest black people and I know y'all share that same sentiment. Simply I've learned how I could utilise my blackness confronting the black race. Look at B.Eastward.T, you think nosotros'd put this shit on the air considering information technology's entertaining? Y'all think nosotros sit down down and say "hey, permit's be entertaining? how almost a Baldwin Hills reality evidence?". I have practiced gustation, Gregory Hines is entertaining, Sammy Davis Jr. he'due south entertaining. You think I can chronicle to anything these young niggas take to say? No! Nosotros air this shit because nosotros despise our audience! Are there other ways to make money? Yes, of form. Yep, yeah. But they all require more than work, this is easy. The merely people who suffer, the only people who suffer, Ruckus are black children. I think we both could alive with that.

Uncle Ruckus: Weggie Rudlin, yous sho' do take profound insights. just I don't know, I only don't call back I could stand life as a darkie.

Jeremiah Wright: I say, motherfuck America! Motherfuck America'southward female parent! Motherfuck America'due south daddy! America can swallow a dick! America can lick the assurance!

Huey: What about the Ivory Coast?

Ruckus: Absolutely NO AFRICA! NO WAY! ALL THEM COUNTRIES GOT NIGGER PRESIDENTS!

(Uncle Ruckus is crying on the porch afterward hearing Obama win the ballot)

Ruckus: Why Lord?!

Bitches to Rags [3.2] [edit]

Sgt. Gudda: (his response to Thugnificent's opinion of him on the radio) Hey, dawg. Beginning off, I wanna say that I'm a huge fan of Thugnificent, I grew up listinin' to Thugnificent. Matter of fact, I'd even go ahead, every bit far, to say that I love this nigga, no homo. He'south 1 of the real niggas that made me wanna do this shit. (A second of silence; Thugnificent is pretty amazed to hear what Sgt. Guddda said about him so far.) Simply fuck this onetime donkey nigga, homo! (He laughs; Thugnificent's amazement gives way to a "WTF" expression.) This old nigga is old enough to be my dad, and he tellin' me to eat a dick? Nigga, what'southward wrong wit' y'all?! You a grown-donkey man and yous tellin' a 15-year-old to consume a dick? I know yo' mother raised you better than that, dawg. Matter of fact- (he dials on the phone) Excuse me, is this Mrs. Jenkins?

"Mrs. Jenkins": (over phone) Yep it is.

Sgt. Gudda: My name is Sgt. Gudda. (Thugnificent is now shocked.) I dunno if yous aware, but yo' son said some very rude things near me on the radio.

"Mrs. Jenkins": (over phone) Yes, I know. He said some very rude things and he's besides quondam to exist actin' like dat, and I don't like him usin' that language, either. You know, i fourth dimension I--

Sgt. Gudda: (pressing the hold button on the phone) That was yo' mamma, nigga, yo' mamma. (Thugnificent is now furious over this.) Grow yo' former ass up, nigga! I hope you lot get broke, you fill me? I hope that IRS is on their way over right now to take yo' shit, nigga.

The Red Ball (three.iii) [edit]

Ed Wuncler Sr. surveys the new kickball team Huey assembled for the tournament(the squad consists of Tom, Grandad, Mrs.Van Housen, Ed Wuncler III, Riley, Cindy MacPhearson, Butch Milosevic and an Asian adult male with a face painting of the Tibetan flag[Jingmei]).

Ed Wuncler Sr.: Who the fuck are you?!

Jingmei: I am Jingmei! I come from Tibet! I wanted to shell the Chinese oppressors in kickball!

Ed Wuncler Sr.: Why?

Jingmei: I hate fucking Chinese!

The Story of Jimmy Rebel (3.iv) [edit]

Jimmy Insubordinate: These are autographed copies my albums. Coonsville.

Gramps: [offended] Hey!

Jimmy Rebel: Welfare Queen and Cadillac King, Aid Me, I'm Surrounded By Coons, Don't Let Your Niglets Grow Upwardly To Be Niggers, I Almost NAACP'd Myself, Spooks of Take a chance, Black Toads and Ghettos, How 'Tour Those Scissure Babies, Nigger, Stay Outta My Married woman and Niggers Don't Dice, They Only Smell Like One.

Grandpa: [extremely angry] Aw, fuck this shit! Ok, that'southward plenty! Get that redneck son of a bowwow outta my house!

[Granddad kicks Jimmy and Ruckus out of the firm]

Stinkmeaner three: The Hateocracy [3.v] [edit]

[Rufus Crabmiser launches the Flying Guillotine at Bushido Brown, which misses by several feet and embeds in a tree branch. Bushido Brown, assuming the weapon is stuck, proceeds to accuse Crabmiser, who retracts the Guillotine -- which cleanly beheads Bushido Brown from behind. Bushido Brownish's head sails through the heaven in boring motion equally a fountain of claret gushes from his neck.]

Grandfather, Huey, Riley and Brown's Advisors: [groan in disgust]

George Pissedofferson: DY-NO-MIIIIITE!!!

Riley: Man!

Colonel Stinkmeaner (narrating): It'due south a cute 24-hour interval to FUCK SHIT UP! (laughs maniacally)

[Bushido Brown's head plops down on the walkway and rolls to the front end steps of the Freeman Residence]

Granddaddy, Huey, Riley and Brown'due south Advisors: (in unison) Oh, SHIT!

Granddad: At present what are we gonna do?

Riley: [reducing to tears] Oh, man! We gonna die now! This all yo fault, Granddaddy!

Huey: Wait! This doesn't have to end this way. Stinkmeaner's death was a huge mistake, but killin' us isn't gonna bring him back.

Granddad: He'southward right. Wait. What happened with Stinkmeaner, it shouldn't take happen. Okay? I admit it. I was embarrassed 'crusade I got trounce up by an old man. I was ashamed. I could've walked away from information technology then, only I didn't. I didn't mean to kill him. Information technology just happened. It's my fault, I'm sorry. There, I've said it. I'm sad. It was wrong and I wish I could take it dorsum, but I can't. So please, please. Can't we just end this?

Rufus Crabmiser: Human, we don't give a fuck 'tour no Stinkmeaner.

Grandad and Huey: What?

Lady Esmeralda: Just because he was our nigga doesn't mean we gave a shit about his donkey.

George Pissedofferson: We don't need no reason to fuck shit upwards! That's why we drink Hennessey. That's why we fume menthols. That's why we's niggas! We likes to ruin shit.

Rufus Crabmiser: Hell, y'all just gave us an excuse. If it wasn't you, we'd probably only pick someone random and ruin they life.

Granddad: Huh?

Riley: Oh, come up on!

Huey: Well, now what?

Rufus Crabmiser: Now you die.

[The police arrive]

Riley: Ooh-hoo, the police. Give thanks God for the politician-- I mean, uh, who snitched?! Who chosen the Po-Po?

[The Hateocracy put their hands backside their heads as the police arrest them]

Officeholder: All correct, you three are under arrest for the murder of Bushido Brown.

Grandpa: Oh, thank you, officer. Cheers!

Riley: I can't believe somebody snitched. That'south gay.

Officer: These three won't be bothering you lot anymore. Just why do y'all think they were after you guys specifically?

Huey: It was a nigga moment.

Officer: Oh, of class -- a nigga moment. Well, at that place'south only one way to end a nigga moment for good -- jail.

Huey: Jail?

Granddaddy: Jail. [chuckles] That makes sense! Jail! Isn't that great, Huey? Jail! Of course! Oh, thank God for jail.

Officer: Glad we could assist. [leaves]

Colonel Stinkmeaner (narrating): And that's the moral of the story. Some niggas just need to get to jail. I might be in hell, but at least I ain't in jail, nigga. (laughs maniacally)

[The Hateocracy are yelling and protesting in a police car]

Lady Esmeralda: Permit me out this car! (smashes her head against a automobile window)

Riley: I can't believe somebody snitched. (gets within the house) Niggas is out here like running faucets.

Grandad: Yous can go off my property now. And make sure you clean this headless dickhead off my g. And get that ass-squirting toilet out of my house, as well! (gets inside the house)

[the episode ends]

Smokin' With Cigarettes [3.six] [edit]

Riley: (to Lamilton) That's information technology. No more gun. Now whatchoo gonna do?

Granddad: (to Riley from upstairs; off-screen) Shut the hell up earlier I come downwards there and beat out you 'til y'all pee on yourself again!

[Afterwards Dr. Doomis dropped Lamilton Taeshawn off the roof of the school out of Riley's easily, which caused him to fall to his death...]

Riley: Yous killed him.

Dr. Doomis: He deserved to die.

Grandfather: [looks down from the roof and gasps] He's... gone. [turns to the right and notices Lamilton limping away, however alive] No, wait. He's right there.

Dr. Doomis: He's yet alive?! [Lamilton turns effectually and glares at him] No! No! [jumps off the roof] Aah! [lands on Lamilton equally Grandad and Riley, but Huey look away and see Doomis grabbing Lamilton while he tries to escape] You're the spawn of Satan! I must destroy you!

Lamilton: [punches him in the face, releasing him] Become off me! [Doomis grabs him and pins him down] Somebody call my grandmother! You're non supposed to exist within 100 yards!

Granddad: Well, that's that. Allow's go habitation. [He, Huey, and Riley leave the roof]

Male child: [to Riley] Yo, man. You got a cigarette?

[Riley turns his head with a blank expression]

[episode ends]

The Fundraiser [3.7] [edit]

Granddad: (To Riley almost the messy living room) Jesus! Boy, look at you. All you practise is lay around here and watch Telly and eat my food and breathe my air, just as lazy as you can be. Go out and do something.

Riley: What am I supposed to practise? I ain't got no money!

Grandpa: Well, try getting up off your donkey and cleaning up my living room. You lucky President Obama is not here to see this! You lot're lazy, yous need a hobby or something!

Riley: Give me an assart and I'll find a good hobby.

Granddad:Allowance?! I allow you to alive here. I allow y'all to eat my food! I allow you to fire upwards my electricity!

Riley: I mean a coin allowance.

Granddad: Well, how about this? Trash is starting to stink, and judge what? You lot're immune to take it out. Hee-hee-hee.

Riley: (voice over) I was a loser. I might as well been dead.

Riley: (vox over) You lot wanna exist in this business, you got to pay the cost of doing business organization. And when the cost become likewise loftier, you get out of business.

Riley: Wait, fuck you lot, fuck the plane yous flew in on, fuck them shoes, fuck those socks with the belt on information technology, fuck your gay-donkey fairy faggot accent, fuck them cheap-ass cigars, fuck your yuck-mouth teeth, fuck your hairpiece, fuck your chocolate, fuck Guy Ritchie, fuck Prince William, fuck The Queen. This is America. My president is blackness and my Lambo is blue, nigga. Now, get the fuck out my hotel room. And if I see y'all in the street, I'yard slapping the shit out of you.

Interruption [three.8] [edit]

Robert: I gon' actually let him have information technology. Show him my stuff. Requite that homo everything I got.

Riley: Break.

Robert: Pause? Suspension what?

Riley: You said somethin' gay, so yous gotta say "no homo" or else y'all a homo.

Robert: Just what did I say gay?

Riley: Y'all said you was gon' give this dude everything y'all got. No homo.

Robert: That's not gay. I said I was gon' give the man everything I got.

Riley: Suspension, Granddaddy. If information technology sound gay, its gay and you gotta say "no homo". How I know you lot non a man, Grandad, if you don't say "no homo"?

Robert: I'm not sayin' "no homo".

Riley: Okay, you wanna be a homo.

Robert: End callin' your granddaddy a homo!

Riley: So say "no man"!

Robert: I don't wanna say "no human"! Imma human yo' ass if yous don't stop sayin' pause!

Riley: ...Break.

A Engagement With the Booty Warrior [3.ix] [edit]

Chris Hansen: You wanna explain to me what you lot're doing hither?

The Booty Warrior: I came looking for booty.

Chris Hansen: Y'all came looking for sexual practice with an underage boy?

The Booty Warrior: Oh no, I ain't come up lookin for no little boys. I own't got no milk, no cookies, null. I came looking for man's barrel.

Chris Hansen: A homo'southward barrel? Excuse me?

The Booty Warrior: Oh, I know who y'all are, Chris Hansen. But see, I likes to calls ya Chris Hansome. I watch your TV prove all the fourth dimension. So you can go ahead and bring in them cameras and them polices waitin for me outside. It don't make me no divergence. Now, I'll tell you what: I like ya, and I wantcha. Now nosotros tin practice this the like shooting fish in a barrel fashion, or we can practice it the difficult way. The pick is yours.

Chris Hansen: Well, I don't think y'all and I will be doing anything any kind of manner.

The Booty Warrior: Okay, I-I meet you choosin the hard manner.

Chris Hansen: Okay, cut. This isn't working. Someone become this guy-

[The booty warrior lunges at Chris, restraining him aptitude over the counter.]

The Booty Warrior: Don't brand me ruin that butt, Chris!

Chris Hansen: No! No, please!

The Booty Warrior: I'1000 a warrior!

[Nosotros hear textile fierce. Suddenly, Chris Hansen screams in agony as we hear the booty warrior grunting.]

The Booty Warrior: When you go to prison, the well-nigh important thing in your life is gonna exist haul. A man's barrel.

Inmate: [From offscreen] Y'all better heed to him.

The Booty Warrior: Haul, gettin' some booty, is more of import than food. It'due south more than of import than drinkin' h2o. If I run across a human being I like, I tell him similar this here. [Looks straight at Tom, the photographic camera zooming in on him as eerie music plays] I likes ya.

Inmate: He likes ya!

The Booty Warrior: And I want ya.

Inmate: And he wants ya!

The Booty Warrior: Now nosotros can do this the easy way, or we can practise information technology the hard fashion. The selection is yours. What's it gonna exist?

Inmate: WHATCHU Desire, TOM?!

The Booty Warrior: I asked yous a question, Tom.

Inmate: I Tin'T HEAR YOU, TOM!

[Tom is shaking and sweating by now, visibly nervous]

Tom: I don't answer...

The Booty Warrior: Ah-ah-ah! Alibi me, I didn't hear you, Tom!

Tom: I said I don't wanna answer- I don't wanna- I don't wanna practice this anymore!

The Haul Warrior: Sound to me like y'all want it the hard fashion!

Inmate: Requite IT TO 'IM!

[The Booty Warrior and a group of inmates accept started an insurgence and are attempting to escape the prison, but quickly become lost.]

Inmate 1: Well, what do we do at present?

Inmate ii: Ask him, it was his idea! Thought you had some kind of escape plan worked out or somethin'!

The Booty Warrior: Weren't no escape plan. Uh... booty, is more important, than escapin'. So, I said to myself when I seen that shank, "This is an opportunity for me to get some booty".

Inmate 3: That was it? Nigga, I thought you had demands!

The Booty Warrior: Oh, I had demands! I had demands to get some haul!

Inmate 3: I thought this was supposed to be some Attica type shit!

The Booty Warrior: At present, how you think that make me feel?! Y'all allow the booty go away! Now I gotta go hunt downwards the haul! Damn!

The Story of Lando Freeman (3.10) [edit]

Riley: I hate to this, Grandad. But you did expect similar a pussy punk bitch. You should've stuck with your story.

Robert: It was a Deoxyribonucleic acid test.

Riley: Well, study next time. (Huey hits him with a volume) Ow!

Huey: Grandfather, there'southward no apply beating yourself upward.

Riley: Aye, Steve Wilkos already did that.

Robert: I tin't believe all this time. A son. A son named Lando.

Huey: Granddad, information technology'south non all your fault. This doesn't make you a horrible person.

Steve Wilkos: (on TV) It's all your fucking fault! You're a horrible fucking person!

Robert: Oh, why me? Why did he practice this to me?

Robert: Shut the fuck up. I'm sick of this shit.

Steve Wilkos: In the case of 25-twelvemonth-one-time gardener and landscaper, Lando Freeman, Robert, you ARE the father.

Lovely Ebony Brown (iii.eleven) [edit]

Mr. Medicinal (3.12) [edit]

The Fried Craven Flu (3.thirteen) [edit]

The Colour Ruckus (three.xiv) [edit]

(Uncle Ruckus talks nigh how his adopted father always used to abuse him)

Uncle: (vox over) I had 2 younger brothers: my brother Darryl, and my other brother Darell, but Mister e'er seemed to single me out the worst. (young Darryl and Darell bump on the table, knocking over a vase and breaking information technology accidentally) I would get beaten fo' annihilation.

(Mister comes into the house and notices the broken vase, blaming immature Uncle)

Mister: (furious) Nigga, did yous merely break that vase?!

(Mister slaps Uncle violently all the way to the flooring. Bunny rushes in and cradles her son.)

Bunny: Oh, sweet Jesus, Lord take mercy, my baby!

(Wipe fade to show young Uncle holding a teddy deport and admiring it)

Uncle: (vocalization over) Just havin' fun was off limits in Mister'due south house.

(Mister comes in, noticing Uncle holding the teddy acquit)

Mister: (furious) Nigga, did I only catch you havin' fun?!

(Mister slaps Uncle violently all the manner to the flooring. Bunny rushes in and cradles her son.)

Bunny: Oh, sweet Jesus, Lord have mercy, my infant!

(Wipe fade to show young Uncle reading a book about doctors)

Uncle: (vocalisation over) Every twenty-four hour period, he reminded me of what a failure I was going to be.

Young Uncle: (noticing his father come in) Mister, I wanna exist a doc when I abound up.

Mister: (furious) Nigga, did I just grab you wantin' to be shit?!

(Mister slaps Uncle violently all the way to the floor. Bunny rushes in and cradles her son.)

Bunny: Oh, sugariness Jesus, Lord have mercy, my baby!

(Nelly Ruckus remarks about Mister's family unit, and says that she's dying)

Nelly: Ugh, wait at you lot. Didn't I tell you, y'all wasn't gonna exist shit with yo' stupid ugly wife and yo' stupid ugly chirrens? I tin't wait to die so I don't take to look at yo' ugly, black nigga ass anymo'. Goddamnit!

(Mister has just about had it with Nelly'southward remark)

Mister: Aaaaaaaaaaauuuuggh! I can't take it, no mo'!

(When Nelly Ruckus died)

Darryl: Uncle, she gone.

Robert: In my living room?! Oh, No!

Robert: (Seeing Nelly dead, sitting slumped in the chair) In my living chair?! OH, NO!!! (Turns to Huey) Huey! Get my chainsaw!

(After Nelly Ruckus'due south expiry)

Mister: (Drunkenly) Where we going?

Darryl: Back to the hotel, Daddy.

Mister: Already?! Let's keep partying! She's finally expressionless!!

(At Nelly Ruckus'southward funeral, at Mister's remarks nearly Uncle)

Uncle: No, that's okay. Go on talking, proceed talking, Daddy. That's the eulogy the whole adult female deserves! Oh, she did this to y'all and now yous doing it to me! You've been doing it our WHOLE lives and it'southward getting old! It's getting REAL OLD, Sometime Man, so GET It OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM And then SIT DOWN AND Close THE FUCK Upward!!!

(Everybody gasp at Uncle's outburst)

Robert: Oh, shit...

Mister: Male child, what did you say to me?

Uncle: (Innocently) Um... what part in item?

Mister: I'LL SHOW You "WHAT Role IN Particular"!!!

(Goes to raise a bottle of alcohol to hit Uncle, but feels a sharp of hurting)

Mister: (In pain) OWWW!!! My back! It'due south my old injury!

(Mister stumbles and falls into Nelly Ruckus'due south grave, breaking his neck and killing him)

Darrel: He's dead!

Darryl: Well, I judge Grandma Nellie got her wish.

Bunny: Yes, at present I can marry my white lover!

Uncle: If only Mister live long enough to love the white man besides.

It's Goin' Down (3.15) [edit]

(In the last minutes of the episode, an angry Jack Flowers takes Ed Wuncler, Three.)

Ed, III: HEEEEEEEELLLLP!! Somebody, shoot this muthafucka! (as Jack Flowers takes him away) You tin't practice this to me! Do you know who I am? GRANDADDY!!

Ed Wuncler, Sr.: (responding with a grinning) What are y'all waiting for? Shoot him!

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Source: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Boondocks_(season_3)